You’ve said all the right things – but you’re not winning them over.
In business relationships, especially cross-border or cross-cultural ones, it’s rarely just about the content of your message or the transaction. It’s equally about the way you say it, how they experience it and the approach you take with them.
🔹 Switch from ‘stating’ to ‘connecting’
It’s easy to focus on making your point but in relationship-building, reading the signals and connecting is critical. Start with their world — their goals, challenges and pain-points. Link your message to their context and you’ll quickly see them tune in.
🔹 Signal partnership
When you sound like you’re seeking approval, you position yourself as a supplier they can simply use any time. When you speak as an expert partner, focused on solving their problems, they will relate to you much more and be open to doing business with you.
🔹 Ask with care
Some questions trigger defence. One question in particular often attracts a negative reaction. It’s questions starting with ‘why’. They often come across as interrogative — especially in high-stakes or cross-cultural settings. Instead, shape your questions to explore, not challenge. Try: “What led you to that?” or “How are you thinking about it?” This way is advocated by one of my favourite speakers, Chris Voss. And he’s right, ‘what’ and ‘how’ questions show respect — and keep the conversation open.
These are just three of the quiet reasons business relationships stall — or just never deepen. It’s also where many professionals — especially those expanding in the UK — start to see transformation as they shift from message delivery to a relational strategy.
Business psychology and behavioural science both show this clearly. I have studied this for years now and I bring together what really works in practice and what is academically sound. If you want to read more on some of these points, I recommend Seven and a Half Lessons About the Brain, Barrett, L. F. (2020); Working with Emotional Intelligence, Goleman, D. (1998) and Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It, Voss, C. & Raz, T. (2016).
If you want to make the most of a business relationship, refine your approach not just your message!